Let me begin by saying. I actually wrote an entry yesterday but while trying to save it, the broswer hung and all the typing was gone.

On 8th September 2004, my sister in law was called back to the Lord. After years of sufferring, she is not I pray in peace. At 12.30am on Wed (8/9/04), the phone was ringing at 12.30am. My brother was on the phone, he said " Ling, ask mummy to light a candle for Sarah. she is not breathing already" Then before i could ask anything, he started to cry and hung up. I called up my mom and informed her while we lighted a candles for her. My younger brother and my uncle immediate drove up to the hospital.

Upon their return, we were informed that Sarah is in icu and she cannot longer sustain breathing on her own and had to be placed on life support. We were all praying for her. I prayed and prayed for her unable to sleep the whole night. Praying that God will regain her consciousness. All I could think of was her two young children, my nephew who is 4 and my niece who is 7. Both will be too young to comprehend what has happened to their mother.

I feel so sad too that i didn't get to see her before all this has happened. I regret not visitng during her last stay at the hospital. I was due to see her on wed but she pased before i could.

It was my brother who drove her body back from the hospital with her younger brother craddling her body in the car. My brother seemed so composed and strong but I am sure his emtions are even more in turmoil than mine. My brother was with her during her stay in the hospital which was more than 1 week already before her passing.

But being only human, my mom said he broke down shortly before the kids were due. He just couldn't stop crying.

Emotions are so high at the moment but i would say, at least today I am able to speak without tears streaming down like as though I have no control of it.

THe saddest part was when I went to my brother's house with the kids who were still at my house. They saw the tent and the amount of people they didn't want to alight from the car. My brother then came out and hold their hands and brought them in. I heard him telling the older gal that " you must remember mummy". As both were afraid to look at the casket. The younger one I heard him asking my brother " why cannot see mummy's body".

Its so sad. They cannot comprehend ....

Yesterday I went there and as i entered the house i bless the casket with holy water. And i saw little anthony. I asked him whether he would like to place holly water. He said to me " I already do it many many times, so mummy can wake up" So sad.. tears were brimming in my eyes already.

Its funny how sometimes, when the person is around, we do not appreciate them when they are gone we miss them, we have regrets on things we didn't do for them. Thoughts started pouring into our minds.

I will not forget the words she said to me when I saw her in the hospital few months ago when she was first diagnosed with cancer that is after years of sufferring with SLE lupus. She said that all her life she has already been unhappy, depressed, worried. She told me this " Be happy, do things that you will make you happy and that you like". I will always remember that.

Eternal Rest grant unto her Oh Lord and let perpetual light shine upon her and may Sarah's sould Rest in Peace. Amen.